


Thirty Days, Hath September

by Ingoma



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Feelstember, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-10-05 06:53:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 5,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20484686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingoma/pseuds/Ingoma
Summary: A series of one-shots for Feelstember.





	1. Warm

Ezra Bridger wasn’t always warm. He had been, when he was living in his house, but now, he had few ways of keeping Lothal’s harsh chill of winter out.

In his part of Lothal, it didn’t snow much, but it did get cold. Bone chilling cold. Last year, one guy had last three fingers and one nose to the chill. Ezra’s clothes were as warm as he could find, but they were still rags. And the cloths he wrapped around his hands were threadbare. The sky was clear, the day had been warm, but that meant a night colder then death. He needed to find shelter. He needed to find warmth.

Ezra snuck through the streets. At those times of Lothal, there were fewer of the Stormtroopers that would enjoy shooting a lothrat like Ezra for fun. He picked through trash cans, but no old clothing could be found. The sun was starting to set, the Life Day decorations were glowing. Ezra brushed one of them, and felt the radiating heat from the light.

Heat. Light means heat. 

Ezra went to a nearby house, and stole one of the old and dry log that had been neatly stacked outside. He glanced around for a good location. Smoke was rising out of several bunched together houses. Who would notice one more fire? 

As he removed the flammables and placed a few rocks to contain his fire, Ezra felt his deep voice sing. This was right, and as Ezra bashed a rock in the Life Day ornaments, to produce sparks of hope, the chorus grew louder.

The simple lights faded, but a spark took. Ezra was told by his voice to blow slightly on the fire, to nurse it to life. Ezra did, and soon, a small, but  _ warm _ fire was nearby, safe in the space Ezra had put down. 

Several other lothrats were now creeping by the space.  _ Fire _ said Runaway.

_ What did you think it was, a lothbat? _ Asked Dark.

Jay’anna, Offworld, and Mat stayed a safer distance away. Ezra knew they didn’t trust him, but they did need the warmth.

_ What is this? _ Asked Killean the Bully. She must have seen Ezra’s smoke. The other lothrats formed a small circle around the fire, glaring at her. She sat down, close enough to feel the warmth, but not far enough to be a threat. For now, there was peace around Ezra’s fire, until it was broken up by a patrol in the morning, and every lothrat moved on.

Ezra didn’t think about this, turning and watching the flames dance. For now, he was  _ warm. _


	2. Fuzzy

Ezra has a tooka doll.

It’s purple and a bit of green. It is fuzzy. Very fuzzy.

Ezra loves his tooka doll.

He ties a string around its neck and pretends to have a real pet tooka.

He growls at it, and pretends it was one of the wild lothcats that roam the grassy plains.

He curls up with it at night, knowing it would keep him safe from the creepy lothbats and white monsters that roamed Lothal.

Ezra is four.


	3. Cuddles

Ezra has a wallet. It has thirty credits in it. That should set him for a month if he is careful.

Ezra squirrels the money away where not even Killean could find it. He’s lost a few stashes to her before. As he kicks some dirt to hide the hollow stone, the tapping of footsteps makes Ezra quick to be practicing the aurebesh in the dust. The colorless eyes stare unknowingly at the simple basic word, lothcat.

_ Ezra _ Dark says. Their voice is darker then normal.

_ Dark _ Ezra replies. He doesn’t look up from his aurebesh. He writes his name. Ezra continues in his emotionless tone. _ Where is Runaway? _

_ They took him. _

_ Why should I care? _

_ Please Ezra _ Dark almost allowed a beg in their voice.

_ Do you know where they took her? _ Ezra asks. He glances up from his words. The straight lines in Dark had been followed by Stormtrooper.

_ An alley. _ Dark says. _ She is unconscious. _

_ And she is big. _Ezra says. Dark nods. 

Dark couldn’t move Runaway. She was strong from wherever she grew up. Dark never had that chance.

Ezra gets up and follows Dark to the secluded corner. Runaway lays on the ground, her face covered in her own blood. 

She is still asleep.

This is bad.

Ezra moves her to her back. Ezra hurts inside. Footsteps and jeers were coming.

_ We have to hide her. _ Ezra says. _ No time to move. _

_ How? _Dark asks. They could now hear the heavy sound of Stormtroopers. 

Ezra knocks over a garbage bin. Dark and Ezra quickly cover Runaway. 

_ What about her feet? _ Dark asks. The trash hadn’t covered everything.

Ezra hugs Dark, and the two cuddle one another. They cover her feet with their own bodies.

“You should have seen this schutta,” an adult says to another. He turns to look at the alleyway. Ezra guesses he wrinkles his nose.

“Guess she gave you the slip. There's two more,” the other adult says.

“Human boy and Rodian whatever. Not worth the effort,” the first adult replies. The two adults walk away, a few stormtroopers following them.

Ezra and Dark continue cuddling long after they left. Ezra hasn't touched a being like that since the day he didn’t think about. Dark and Runaway probably didn’t do much either. 

The entire feeling was weird. Ezra felt a strange since of belonging, like touching was okay and didn’t have to cause pain or loss. 

The two break away as Runaway starts to stir. She groggily wakes up, and throws the trash off her. 

_ Dark? _ Runaway asks. Dark nods and hugs her briefly. Runaway looks surprised as they break away. She touches a lekku and smiles. One has a fresh handprint on top of the old scars.

Ezra stands up to leave.

_ X’ra Ezra _ Dark bid farewell in Lothalese. 

Ezra didn’t think he knew _ Lothalí _.

Ezra didn’t reply _ Lakem _like he was taught. He simply walks away.


	4. Animals

A tornado was coming.

Ezra has no idea what to do. 

He had been traveling on a stolen speeder to Jhothal from Capital City. He had stolen something rather valuable he would rather get rid of quickly. His traveling was out of necessity to save his life.

Now it might kill him.

Ezra decides to abandon the speeder. He has a vague memory of being told to keep close to the ground. He would probably lose the speeder. 

The tornado is getting larger, and the wind lays the grass flat. Ezra spreads himself down. His music softly sings of danger. 

Then it sings of safety. Which Ezra finds weird.

Ezra feels a sudden pressure on his back. He bolts upright, and is knocked off his feet by the wind. A lothcat’s brown eyes stare at him. 

The cat makes a low growl noise. It sniffs Ezra once, then motions with its tail. 

The music says to follow the lothcat. 

Ezra decides to follow the lothcat.

Ezra crawls. The lothcat is close to the ground, but does crouch to avoid the wind. It moves light on its feet, right to a burrow, just large enough for Ezra to comfortably fit in. 

Ezra follows the lothcat into the burrow. It would be uncomfortable, but he could wait out the storm.

The tunnel opens up, revealing a massive cave. Ezra inhales.

It is a city, thirty feet below, hidden in a cave. Empty houses dotted the area, some extravagant, others simple. All in varying states of destruction. Stone is the material of choice. 

Ezra doesn’t explore the city. It is empty save for the lothcats. Lothcats everywhere, hiding from the storm. Lothbats on the ceiling, and various prey animals scattered in groups, ignored by the lothcats. Ezra thinks he sees a lothpanda. They don’t live in his region though. 

The area got colder as the storm blew. A lothcat decides to sleep near Ezra. Ezra scratches its back, and the lothcat purrs. Other lothcats follow, Ezra scratching as he becomes the center of a pile of wild lothcats. 

They quickly started to fall asleep. Ezra falls asleep as well. As he is closing his eyes, he thinks he saw a patch of large white fur and yellow eyes amongst the brown lothcats.

When Ezra wakes up, he finds himself where he began. Right next to the speeder. The air is cold and still. The animals are gone.


	5. Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning.
> 
> Mildly implied (past) sexual violence against a child.

_ Have you ever kissed a person? _ Runaway asks.

Ezra looks up from the machine he is disassembling.  _ What? _

_ Dark don’t understand.  _ Runaway sighs. She pulls some gold off of the machine. She was good at things like that.

Ezra shrugs. He rips off some metal plating and sorts it into a pile. The scrap might be worth something.

_ I found out what schutta means.  _ Runaway continues. No emotion is in her voice. Ezra glances at her. Dark must have told her what the two men said.

_ It’s a Ryloth insult. Here it means twi’lek.  _ Her voice quivers slightly. Ezra finds the gold plating. He starts to rip it off.

_ Dark don’t understand. You might. _ Runaway continues. 

_ Understand what? _ Ezra asks.

_ Could I kiss you? _ Runaway bursts. She glances around quickly, and lowers her volume. Ezra looks up from his project.

_ Kiss? _ Ezra asks.

_ These men have taken everything else I wanted to keep. It’s going to happen again. I want my first kiss to be on my terms. _ Runaway says. Ezra feels a jab in his stomach at her words. The music was low and sad.

_ Okay _ Ezra says.

It was brief. A peck of her lips on Ezra’s. Ezra didn’t feel it was worth much. To Runaway it meant the world. She smiles brief and rare.

_ Thanks _ Runaway says. Ezra nods. They hear light footsteps.

_ Hey _ Dark says. They were back from relieving themselves.  _ What did I miss? _


	6. Touch

_ Then _

Ezra has nothing. His clothes are soaked through with the fluid of the garbage bin he is hiding in. His eyes are red from old tears and blood. His belly rumbles.

He doesn’t remember when he had last eaten.

Ezra knows he has to get up and get moving. He has to find water to quench his thirst, food to satisfy his belly. He doesn’t know how. The justice is urging him to find what he needs, but he is exhausted.

He wants his parents. 

Ezra blinks away the tears, for maybe ten minutes, and tries to refocus his vision. It is now dark. An old human girl is in front of him. Her face is emptied then Ezra’s.

“Hey. Get up.” She patted him on his side. “You have to move.”

Ezra doesn’t move. She pushes him to his weak feet. Ezra collapses. He hasn’t slept in days. The girl sighs.

“I’m guessing you aren’t a runaway then. Pretty soft. Pretty face. You’ll want to hide that,” the girl continues.

She touches his back. Ezra recoils and leaps to his feet. 

“Feisty? You’ll need that.”

“Who are you?” Ezra asked.

“People call me Jay’anna. Who do you want to be?”

“I’m Ezra.” Jay’anna nods. 

“How’d you get it?”

“My p-parents,” Ezra stumbles.

“Treasure it then. My parents never gave me a name. People don’t talk about parents much. Save for Offworld. You can bond. His parents left him here by accident a few weeks ago. From the way he talks, they won’t be back to get him,” Jay’anna says. Ezra didn’t know this, but she was talking to reassure Ezra, distract him.

“Offworld…?” Ezra asks. Jay’anna shrugs.

“Long story. Look, Ezra, do you have anyone? Anyone who you trust to take you in? It isn’t easy. Even I sometimes wish for my home, kriffed up as my parents were,” Jay’anna darkly says. 

“Tseebo never got me… I don’t… I don’t…” Ezra starts sobbing. Jay’anna rubs him on the back. Ezra hadn’t been touched in weeks. He leans into it now, Jay’anna is safe. 

The touch bonds them together. 

_ Now _

Jay’anna is trying to reach out, pat his head. To reassure him.

_ You didn’t have to… to... _ Ezra stammers. His voice quivers slightly in his fear and confusion.

_ He was a bully. He takes our lives by taking our food.  _ Jay’anna says.  _ This isn’t a holomovie. We can die. I can’t let those I protect die. _

Jay’anna is thirteen. She towers over Ezra. She reaches to touch and reassure him. Ezra dodges.

_ Ezra _ Jay’anna says. She knows what Ezra didn’t. By leaving the group for this, he would never have allies in Mat or Offworld. That might have made Ezra hesitate. 

He is young.  _ No. Bye Jay’anna. _

Ezra walks away from his only source of physical comfort. He is truly on his own.


	7. Food/Drink

Hunger

The deepest craving

Sharpening your eyes

Removing barriers

Thirst

The great weakening

Turning great to lunatic

Destruction in three

Ezra

First felt the pangs of thirst

He drank out of a puddle

He vomited in three days.

Then

He met Jay’anna

She taught him about taps

How water is free if you can

Break down a barrier

He

Was hungry in an hour

After leaving

It dulled as Ezra wised

She

What was good and what was not

Who you would give a meal

How to steal when desperate

Stealing

Ezra took money

He learned to steal

And Jay’anna smiled

But

Ezra still didn’t agree

He still was young

And so he left


	8. Sleep

Ezra is tired

The insidious exhaustion 

His head is numb

His eyes are blurry

He can not sleep

For they came

And they hurt

Those eyes stare at him

His music grows sharper

The universe yearns

But he sees everything

The lifeless look

The screams

That won’t

Stop

Ezra is tired

Ezra is scared

But life takes over

Eyes closed

Until the visions

Come

Back

Please

let

me

_ Sleep _


	9. Lessons

#5 - People will think this is your fault

_ I didn’t choose this! _ Ezra exclaimed.  _ They… they… _

_ But they don’t care _ . Jay’anna sighed, her eyes old.  _ They see a kid and think they ran away from a loving family. Not how kriffed up everything was. _

Ezra blinked away forming tears. The pain where the adult had kicked him was starting to fade.

#4 - Drink water.

_ I’m not thirsty  _ Ezra says. He has just drank a cup of water this morning.

_ We have clean water.  _ Jay’anna says. Mat fills up another cup and gulps it down.  _ You need water. _

Offworld is on look out, watching for ‘troopers, locals, adults who would take the water tap away. 

_ Drink _ Mat says.  _ I was dehydrated. Not fun. No no. _

Ezra takes a few sips. He can’t drink the whole glass, but Jay’anna is satisfied. 

_ The best lessons _ Jay’anna says  _ are the ones you don’t have to learn from experience. _

  
  


#3 - If the Stormtroopers get you, you’re dead..

_ Mat!  _ Offworld says, shaking.  _ The troopers grabbed Paso _ .

_ Stormtroopers?  _ Mat exclaims, leaping to his feet. His palps search the air around.

_ Yes! _ Offworld cries. Paso was ten. He was an idiot. No one expected him to make it.

Jay’anna runs into the alley, breathless.  _ He’s gone. They took him onto a ship. Ship’s gone. _

_ Who took him? _ Ezra asks.

_ Stormtroopers. And this weird officer… Me and Jay’anna escaped but… _ Offworld broke down.  _ We can get him, can’t we? _

The other three members of the group share a look. 

_ Offworld  _ Mat says.  _ He’s gone. Imps get you, you’re dead. No exceptions. _

Offworld keeps sobbing. Eventually, the two ignore him, and leave the comforting to Ezra. Mat is tired. Jay’anna is expressionless. Ezra? Ezra is angry.

#2 - Don’t steal from those that feed you

Ezra stays in the shadows. Dark is watching the crowds, waiting for something to grab. He spots a target, and creeps over to take the rodian’s credits.

_ Wait _ Ezra says.

_ What? _ Dark says, annoyed at losing his target.

_ He fed me _ Ezra replies. Dark nods, and looks for another person.

#1 - You’re on your own.

Ezra never thought he would ever get captured by stormtroopers. He runs and fights, but makes one mistake. He is dragged away, with Dark and Runaway staring, hiding. You can’t stop stormtroopers. 

Ezra struggles the entire way. An eight year is no match for two stormtroopers. The officer in charge is as pale and skinny as a blade of grass. He gives Ezra a disgusted look. 

“Troopers, don’t forget to clean your armor after this,” the Officer says. As if Ezra needs another reminder of his place. 

They take him to the imperial complex. They throw him in a cell without searching him once. Ezra makes that their doom. 

Ezra has his locking picking kit. Mat had been teaching him before…. But he could do it.

Ezra locates a vent, and pries it open. He lifts in comfortably. He crawls out.

Once he gets back, Dark and Runaway are overjoyed. 

_ You escaped  _ Dark says. The fact he wouldn’t have come for Ezra did not need to be said. You’re on your own.

That’s the first rule.


	10. Art/Music/Crafts

_ What’s that?  _ Dark asks. Ezra sees that Runaway had made a tooka in the dirt. 

_ I do this when bored _ Runaway says. Ezra doesn’t know much about art, but the tooka sketch was good. 

_ Too bad we can’t sell them _ Ezra says.

_ Who says we can’t? _ Dark smiles. 

Soon, Runaway was drawing on actual paper, a luxury that cost two credits for a stack of fifty. Pencils were two credits as well. She drew the sights of Lothal preimperial.

It was decided to try the upper neighborhoods, which meant Dark had to stay behind. He had five drawings to sell for a credit each.

Runaway and Ezra scrubbed themselves clean and wore smiles and childish charm. They acted like servant girl and child. Ezra pretended to have done the drawings.

Most people rejected them, but about ten people bought a drawing. Ten credits. When the sun started to set, Ezra and Runaway scrambled.

They met up with Dark. He had sold all five of his. The sky was ominously cloudy. That night, it rained. Ezra learned why paper was rare.

_ The drawings! _ Ezra says.

_ We got six credits. Not our usual haul. _ Dark says. They pictures aren’t worth it.


	11. Birthday

The parade of Empire Day seems so distant to Ezra. 

His parents have been gone for a year.

Ezra has no idea what to do.

He stays away from Jay’anna’s territory, even when he finds his feet venturing towards the familiar streets. He couldn’t deal with meeting her, or Mat, or Offworld.

He could hardly deal with himself. 

This has the happy coincidence of keeping him away from his parents' house. He doubts it’s still there.

Eventually, Ezra settles down, squatting in an alley. He stares at the dirty ground.

“Karkin’ painful, ain’t it,” someone says. Ezra refuses to answer. He recognizes the voice. It was the Bully’s partner, Killean. She had stolen from Jay’anna a few times. They didn’t have the intimacy that came from working together.

Killean doesn’t take his silence as a deterrent. “Me? I lost everything today. My moms to deathsticks, my brother to Jay’anna a year later. Why this karking day? I don’t karking know.”

Ezra steals a glance at Killean. Her ordinarily angry expression has softened. She looks tired. He takes a risk. “The empire took my parents today…” Ezra says softly. 

Killean nods. “They do that. Run extra patrols. You weren’t there for the ‘clean up the streets’ programs though. Grabbed pretty much all of us and sent us to who the hell knows where. My older sister hid me, till she was thrown out of the group when karkin’  _ Jay’anna  _ decided she wasn’t karking good enough to lead.”

“That’s why you don’t like her?” Ezra asks incredulously. “That’s why you steal from her?”

“I do a lot of bad things a kid like you shouldn’t be near. Be better to forget this karking conversation, and think of me as the bully. But Jay’anna ain’t good either. Lothrats like us ain’t ever gonna be,” Killean says.

Ezra sighs. He doesn’t feel better, but he doesn’t feel like poodoo.

“How old are you kid?” Killean asks.

“I turn 8 today…” Ezra mumbles.

“Well, sithspit time for a karkin’ birthday. Have a birthday kid. I’ve a feeling it ain’t ever gonna be happy.”


	12. Joy

Nothing can

Be as joyful

As a young

Child’s rest


	13. Tears

A few days after Ezra left Jay’anna’s group, he finally cried. He hadn’t get enough water though, and so he didn’t produce tears.

Now Ezra is eight and can’t cry. He has to be fine. 

He wanders the streets, without a sense of purpose besides finding shelter from the rain that was forecast for that day. He finds a  _ covered alley. _ He stands underneath it, worried slightly about it being claimed, but too hopeless to care.

A rodian walks up to him. They look older than Ezra, but not by much. Barely a year. They are shadowed by a much larger twi’lek female. She has orange skin and harsh eyes.

“Our spot. Out,” the twi’lek spats. 

“Ain’t here now,” Ezra replies. 

“You too, calm,’ the rodian says. “I’m Dark. We can share the spot.”

Either they changed their name or never had one, Ezra knows. 

“Fine,” Ezra grunts. He adds as an afterthought, “Ezra.”

The twi’lek doesn’t offer a name. The three sit down, Dark and their friend, and Ezra alone. It is around sunhigh, and Ezra is grateful for the protection the roof offers. 

The three sit in uncomfortable silence. 

“Where’re you from?” Ezra asks, “Runaways, abandoned…?”

“I was abandoned. My parents forgot I existed when they got this stupid imp implant,” Dark spits, their eyes watering in anger. “You?”

“Imps took my folks,” Ezra says. Tears start to form in his eyes. 

“I’m Runaway. I ran away,” the twi’lek, Runaway, says. She also looks like she wants to cry.

The silence continues, until Dark can’t hold their tears anymore. Soon, all three of them are crying, of hopelessness, anger, and despair.


	14. Numbers

Ezra was captured by imps 4 times.

Ezra was betrayed once.

Ezra cried 7 times.

And Ezra was happy twice.

Ezra saw a doctor once

He vomited thrice

He was burned by cold and fire 

Accident one; Purpose twice

Ezra survived for seven years

Paso only got one 

Mat died after six years

And no one knows where Killean’s gone


	15. Family/Parents

_ What was your family like? _ Runaway asks. The rain has passed to a small drizzle. The streets are flooded up to her knees, and the three are sharing a large trash can to sit on.

_ What? _ Ezra asks.

_ What was your family like? You got them for a bit. We both lost ours young.  _ Dark explains.

_ Well, my parents were taken when I was seven.  _ Ezra says.

_ Before that _ Runaway says.

_ I… don’t remember much before. I remember happiness, but… _

_ But you lost the memory. _ Runaway finishes. Ezra nods.

_ Then I had Jay’anna and… _ Ezra mumbles.

_ She is strong, but you have to be fine with what she’s done.  _ Runaway says. Ezra nods. 

_ We could be your family _ Dark says. Runaway looks at them. They look back. Ezra looks uncomfortable.

Runaway relents.  _ Maybe we could. _


	16. Sick

Some more fortunate think

That sickness is for rest

For Ezra it is when

He has to do his best

He vomits in the morning

And knows he needs water

But he has to get it for himself

As his fever keeps getting hotter

Some water and a rag

Will help his thumping head

For food, he has found

A moldy crust of bread

He will need more food

If he wants to heal

So he sneaks and steals

Exchanging nothing for his meal

When he waits a day,

The fever has not broken

He needs medicine 

To stop the sweat he’s soaked in

Fifty credits for a bottle 

Of the correct pill

He will not eat tomorrow 

But at least he won’t feel ill

The moral of the story?

Being sick’s not fun

Especially as a lothrat

Who’s always on the run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wrote this I was sick IRL.


	17. Role Reversal

Ezra is in a shop. He is sweeping. This is… new.

A shop owner caught him stealing and is making him work to pay it off.

He is the worker instead of the thief for a day.

_ (That doesn’t stop him from pocketing a jogan for Jay’anna as he leaves) _


	18. Body Swap

Ezra knows he shouldn’t sleep here. The music told him so. It feels wrong. But he is so tired. He can’t stay awake…

Ezra dreams of blue lights, white lothcats, and growling lothwolves.

Ezra knows something is wrong before he opens his eyes. He can’t feel the ground and grass beneath him. The air feels still. A faded animal scent is on him.

Ezra opens his eyes. He is in a room, with hundreds of things of water shooting everywhere. It is a waste. A voice calls out for something called Caleb. Ezra quickly hides himself in nearby bushes. A lovely older women walks nearby. She’s frowning slightly. Ezra doesn’t move.

“I don’t know who you are, but I can feel you. Come out,” the woman orders. Ezra feels her piercing gaze tear at the bushes. She sees him. Ezra reluctantly forced himself to crawl out, hoping his fear isn’t visible. He can’t meet the woman’s gaze. She drops to his eye height.

“Who are you?” she asks. Ezra doesn’t reply. She adds, “My name is Depa Billaba. I am looking for Caleb Dume, do you know him?”

Ezra shakes his head. She frowns slightly, “I can feel him near you, yet you are feral. Could you please tell me your name?”

Ezra reluctantly replies, “Ezra.”

“Just Ezra? Tell me, Ezra, how did you get here?”

“I don’t know,” Ezra says, praying she believes him. “I went to sleep and woke up here.”

Depa Billaba hums slightly. “You are not from around here. Do you know where you are?”

“No.”

“You are at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant.”

Ezra gasps and shakes slightly, “C-coruscant?”

“Are you well, youngling?” 

“No, you aren’t good at lying. The Jedi are all dead,” Ezra says. Depa Billaba shows no emotion.

“I am not surprised. Are you a Native Lothalian?” Depa asks.

“Yes,” Ezra says.

“We do checks of Lothal. I am not surprised at the Jedi being gone in your time. You have had no training,” Depa Billaba states. “I can also assume that my Caleb is in your place.”

Ezra doesn’t know what to say. “I want to go home.”

“The Force sent you here for a reason, youngling-“

“And I want it to send me back!” Ezra says. Depa Billaba widened her eyes slightly. Ezra still can’t tell what she is feeling.

“You have a talent. This could get you killed if dark force users are in power. Your aura is tainted with darkness just like a feral in our time is tainted with light,” Depa Billaba says. 

“Stop saying a bunch of stupid stuff,” Ezra says. He is getting antsy and bold.

“To state my point, I believe I have figured out why the Force sent you here,” Depa Billaba says. “It wants you to learn shielding.”

“And what is that?” Ezra asks.

“It is a way of hiding your powers and protecting your mind from the darkness. Let me teach you…”

For the next few hours, Ezra learns all there is about force shielding. Depa Billaba pronounces him competent in the ways of shielding, and says that should a dark user come, he should at least ‘not be found on sight.’

“If I did all this, why isn’t it sending me back?” Ezra asks.

“What were you doing before arriving here,” Depa asks.

“I was sleeping…”

“As close to meditating as a feral could probably get,” Depa notes. “Try meditating and see if that works.”

Ezra sits with one leg over the other, closes his eyes, and clears his mind. He opens his eyes and finds himself surrounded by sleeping Lothcats. The moons are still in the sky. Ezra goes back to sleep.

.

Depa is glad to see Caleb back.

“How was Lothal?” Depa asks. Caleb shudders.

“Lothcats. Everywhere.” Caleb moans. Depa laughs.


	19. Clouds/Stars/Sky

What do you see

When you look at the sky?

Moons so full

And the stars so high

Little Ezra hidden

Roof o’er his head

His parents lie beside him

No words to be said

And what do you see

When you look at the moon?

Clouds whisper

Of the purest doom

It is odd at first

But soon Ezra finds

That sleeping is good

When the moons are in the sky

What do you see

When you gaze upon a cloud?

Beyond what it hides

Mysteries enshroud   
  


Rain comes down,

Cover’s what you make

But Ezra falls deeper

With every breath to take

What do you see

When you gaze upon the stars?

A new horizon gleaming

Wonder where you are 

Ezra doesn’t know, 

Nor does he care

But someday he will have

A home in stars out there

  
  



	20. Sight/Sound

When the bombs come.

.

Flash 

_ I can’t see!  _ Ezra cries. 

_ Follow my voice then. _ Dark responds.

.

Boom

_ Is he saying this aloud or in his head. He gazes up to see Runaway. She closes his mouth, and motions for him to follow _

.

He recovers

_ He recovers _

But it takes precious time

_ Time he doesn’t have. _


	21. Names

_ Why Dark? _ Ezra asks. 

_ Why not? _ Dark responds.

_ Jay’anna told me to treasure my given name, since I still had one.  _ Ezra says.

_ Jay’anna named herself. I named myself, as did Runaway. You had people who loved you and that love is carried on in the name that you were given.  _ Dark says.

_ But why _ Dark _ ?  _ Ezra asks again.

_ Runaway found me in the Dark. She couldn’t pronounce my old name. So I choose hers.  _ Dark says.

_ What was your old name?  _ Ezra asks.

_ I don’t remember. _

.

_ Why did you name yourself Runaway?  _ Ezra asks.

_ Because it is my proudest accomplishment.  _ Runaway responds.

_ Why are you so proud of it?  _ Ezra asks.

_ Because, if I had stayed, I would have died by my own hand.  _ Runaway answers.

.

_ Why did you choose Jay’anna?  _ Ezra asks.

_ It reminds me of an old friend, and the Lothjays.  _ Jay’anna says.

_ Who?  _ Ezra asks.

_ Doesn’t matter. She died. _

.

_ Why Killean?  _ Ezra asks.

_ It means go away. It serves as a warning for little boys who ask annoying questions.  _ Killean says.

.

_ Why does Jay’anna call you Offworld?  _ Ezra asks.

Offworld shrugs.  _ Probably my tattoos.  _

_ What tattoos?  _ Ezra asks.  _ I don’t see any. _

Offworld turns away slightly. _ And you shouldn’t. She only saw them when she rescued me.  _

_ Where are they? _

_ Somewhere. _

.

_ Why Mat?  _ Ezra asks.

_ My sister.  _ Mat says.

_ Why? _

_ Because why not.  _ Mat says.


	22. Live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilery Warning: Ezra deals with whether to live or die.

Why want to die?

Why want to fade away 

from that meaningless existence?

Ezra is thinking, Why not?

His family are gone

He has no hope

Why should he continue?

Ezra is thinking, Why not?

Life is wonderful!

You just have to be happy!

Say all you want, he thinks

Your words do not fool me.

Death, Ezra knows, is permanent

Not breathing, being taken

Those cause you to die.

When the life went out

Of the Bully’s eyes

When Jay’anna struck

The final blow

As the Bully begged

For life

And Jay’anna ignored

The cries to live

Ezra remembers and it festers

It festers deep within him

The music cries within him 

_ Live! Live!  _ It cries.

_ Stay ahead, stay ahead, _

_ stay alive, stay alive _

_ Hard, very hard _

_ But live, live _

Ezra asks it  _ Why? _

_ Why? Why live _

_ Why live and cry _

_ Why live, not die _

The music whispers  _ Live _

_ Live, live, live for them _

_ Green pink purple gray orange _

_ Live for them _

_ Live for who?  _ Ezra cries

The music stays silent.

But Ezra lives.

  
  



	23. Soft

Lothcats aren’t very soft, Ezra thinks. They have rough fur, unlike the tooka dolls given to children. Their skin is rough, and claws are sharp. They are harsh as the sharp grasses that prick your feet.

Yet, they are soft, in a way. Ezra pets it, and it purrs. Ezra scratches and it purrs. It’s weight is heavy, its fur is rough, yet it is soft.

It is soft.


	24. Hero

Someone gave

Some ration bars

To Ezra today


	25. Freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Death

_ Mat?  _ Ezra whispers. He is there, down. Blood is flowing from everywhere. His gaze is dull.

_ I recognize you. You’re the Coward  _ Mat says.

_ Where is Jay’anna?  _ Ezra asks.

_ She left. I can’t move _ Mat says. Ezra pokes Mat’s leg. Mat shows no reaction. 

That isn’t good.

_ I don’t want you to die  _ Ezra says. Mat was nice to him.

_ I want to die _ Mat declares.  _ I will see her again. I will be free. Finally free...  _

Mat died right then and there.

Yet, Ezra felt, he was free.

Of what?

Life.


	26. Peace

It may 

Seem cliche

To have rest again

But I say

That when we lay

It’s where our worries end


	27. Hope

Ezra wakes up with his broken wrist hurting. He had gotten kicked by the troopers, and is now looking for stuff that would actually work to heal it. Without his wrist, he couldn’t steal and his stash was running out. His improvised cast will only work so much.

As Ezra wanders, he sees a new tent, pure white, with a droid and some humans. They notice him slinking in the shadows, and tell him to come. He does.

“Hello,” says a human, with a smile. Ezra doesn’t respond.

“That’s a cast, right? Is your wrist broken?” Another human asks. Ezra shrugs.

“May we see it?” The third human asks. Ezra shows it to them.

The first human gestures before gently gripping his arm. Ezra stands there, knowing he is outnumbered. 

“Okay, I’m going the unwrap and reset this. You’re lucky it hasn’t started healing.”

Ezra feels a stab of pain and hisses. 

“There, that’s the worst of it. We’ll use bacta covered bandages, keep them on for a day, then take them off and be gentle with that wrist for a week.”

His wrists isn’t hurting. The human lets go of it, and Ezra brings it to his eye range, and stares at the white bandages. A small smile emerges on his face. Ezra nods, and prepares to run off.

“Tell others!” the human calls. Ezra disappears in the shadows.

When he finally found a safe place to sit, he stares at the cast. He starts feeling that little emotion of hope deep within him. 


	28. Blankets

_ What is that?  _ Dark asks. The trash can had a large piece of fabric.

_ A blanket.  _ Ezra says, pulling it out. It is dirty, but better.

Two _ blankets!  _ Runaway exclaimes.

The three take them and leave.

The old woman smiles kindly, and goes back to her house.


	29. Found

_ This is my place  _ Ezra whispers.

_ This is my dwelling  _

_ And it always will be _

_ Um…. _

Ezra has found a tall tower to avoid the imps homeless campaign. Runaway and Dark had found a space for two. They were going to leave it, but Ezra tood then Ezra could find something that could store things safely. 

This tower is perfect. He puts down a few helmets he had collected. 

Now it is even more.


	30. Time Travel

Traveling in Hyperspace without protection does strange things to people. Ezra lives through his childhood, just to wake up again.

As a child on that fateful day. 

As a child who is loved.

Ezra is five, yet he is eighteen in his mind. 

Everyone is still alive.

Ezra has time traveled.

Yet, Ezra reflects, this isn’t right. He could fix everything, protect Runaway, save Dark, maybe even get Killean out.

But he can’t.

So Ezra wakes up and sees hyperspace again. He is ready. Finally.


End file.
